Please read if you want to gain a deeper understanding on how the subconscious can impact our daily lives in a very real way, and the process to untangle and free ourselves.
This is a personal story of when a deeply rooted subconscious belief came to the surface and how everything changed once letting it go.
I was laying down, a t-shirt draped over my closed eyes around 1pm. I begun the process to drop into Theta state. I had no expectations nor ideas what was about to happen.
I felt the heaviness of my heart, as my mind wondered to a man I deeply love, yet carry much hurt around.
I saw him, with another woman.. and another .. and then the women who he is with now.
The deep pain of this once again was cracking my heart. Tears dripped down my cheeks.
I sensed there was something deeper to be revealed, yet what, I did not know.
So I dropped deeper.
Using my process to enter into Theta State, the shamanic tracking begun.
Like a rapid hummingbird, my mind, heart and nervous system darted through images, moments suspended in time throughout my life. Memories (which you'll read below) that all had a common thread/theme weaved through them.
I could feel these memories (that were deeply embedded in my subconscious) were literally locked into the fat tissues around my belly and heaviness in my chest. The "story" that these similar memories weaved together were living and inhabiting my nervous system.
As the visions flashed before me, my nervous system when into "shock" as it begun to reveal the hidden truth.
My body shook, tremored and convulsed. The journey was 40mins, though felt like it was beyond a time frame.
Sometimes the shaking was in my legs, then in my hands, chest; oscillating from slight tremors to full convulsing.
The consciousness that is "I" followed an energetic chord like a golden thread weaved through time/space. The shamanic tracking took me deep into the realms of my psyche and nervous system.
This energetic chord was imprinted so deeply in my subconscious but also in my etheric field.
As a result my interface (body/mind) was re-creating situations and people in my life that would vibrate at this energetic signature, as to mirror back to me what program I was running in my circulatory.
I will reveal what it is, but before I do I will show you where the thread took me and see if you can work it out...
These were the visions I saw:
• I am 3 years old. My older brother Adam is having a really hard time having a sister, he was the first child. I love him so much and really want his respect and love. I do not receive this.
• I am at Byron Steiner School, age 8. The kids are playing "catch and kiss". The boys are running after Lucy, the most popular girl at school.
• I was at primary school, age 11. The new kid at a small country school. I had recently been removed from Byron Steiner (which was devastating to me) and was now the "new kid" and a little bit "weird". During sports, the two most popular boys were asked to "pick kids for their soccer team". As they did so, I was one of the very last ones standing to be picked.
• Highschool, Private Catholic College. I get on the school bus, there are boys sitting in the very back-seat of the bus. I sit towards the back, but at least 3 seats away. I spend the next 6 years sitting in the same area of the bus, close too the cool boys, but still at a distant.
• I am in the "popular group" at highschool, yet the boys don't show interest in me. Instead I have a rebellious boyfriend expelled from a different school for 4 years of highschool.
• 2010 I am in Miss Universe Australia. I am told by the head organiser that it is looking like I will be the winner and should prepare accordingly to become Miss Australia on the night of the final. I do not win. A long held dream of mine since I was a little girl comes shockingly shattered.
More visions are presented to me ..
As the memories come, it all made sense.
I SEE the pattern and what the imprint was.
I see the energetic chord, weaving throughout my entire life.
"I was not chosen"
My psyche begun to untangle itself. What started to reveal was the two-sides to this coin.
Side 1:
Yes, I was not chosen. Repetitively. As a result, I continued to attract this.
Side 2:
I was chosen, but did not see it.
What is even more interesting, this shaped my behaviour in an paradoxical way. I became the "not chooser" meaning, I reversed the role.
I saw visions of all my previous relationships with devoted, loyal men. Yet, towards the end of the relationships they would reflect to me they “didn't feel fully chosen by me” or that they were "good enough" for me.
This also showed up in my business. Clients wanting to work with me, yet me not choosing them.
This is VERY IMPORTANT to make note:
The complexity of our subconscious, energetic patterns, chords, imprints, nervous system and psyche requires high-level precision to untangle and clear all the layers otherwise it will continue to manifest.
This story is an example of how ONE subconscious belief "I am not chosen" turns into a energetic signature, then weaves it's way through ones life in complex way, often very unknowing.
This is where my passion comes so alive, to free people from their conditioned self and be liberated through their true self.
To no longer think, act, behave, manifest from the "programmed" conditioned subconscious, but to feel complete liberation and freedom, manifesting from the truth of who you are.
This is only a snippet of my process, which is very embodied method to untangled this energetic chord existing in the background.
One aspect of the process is Full Surrender. I allowed my body to convulse and tremor as a way for my nervous system to recalibrate back to it's natural state.
Just when I thought I was fully done, the final piece of the cosmic puzzle was dished out to me:
"You are not being chosen, because you have never fully chosen yourself"
BAM.
This message was loud and clear.
It was time to fully choose myself in a way I have never done before.
What came from this was the realisation that choosing yourself becomes magnetic. The moment you do this, people are magnetised to you as they too "want what you have" as many others have also not chosen themselves.
We have come to live in such a lustrous and pleasure-seeking existence, where we're encouraged to love ourselves and told that "choosing yourself is treating yourself". That being lavish with dessert, love-making, throwing out your to-do list and doing whatever the f*** you want is an act of "choosing yourself".
This can be dangerous territory of distractions and illusions.
What if, choosing yourself was not pleasure-seeking and reckless abandon, but the complete opposite.
What if, choosing yourself was sacrificial. Perhaps choosing yourself is actually challenging yourself on all fronts.
What if choosing yourself was radically committing yourself to your Divine path.
Choosing yourself is like a work of art. It's not a statement you make once, nor a daily affirmation. It takes work. It requires you to firstly deeply know yourself. It is not necessarily "easy".
For example choosing yourself may take form of sacrificing certain foods, committing to a ritual, self-practice, meditation, fasting, exercising, being celibate, deleting social media, quitting your job, leaving your relationship, investing large sums of money into yourself.
Only YOU can truly know what it is to fully choose yourself, and trust me when I say this, the moment you do your ENTIRE LIFE WILL CHANGE.
If you knew that the Universe would conspire to support you, magnetise people, ideas, lovers, partners, clients, healing, wealth, health and spiritual guidance towards you, would you declare "it is me I am choosing"...
The truth is, I think there are many people out are living their lives with energetic chords tangled up in their subconscious, keeping them in a repetitive loop - completely unknown to their conscious mind.
And until you unravel these hidden subconscious blindspots the external will continue to reflect the internal.
Unless you fully clear the memories and narratives in your etheric field, nervous system and subconscious, certain patterns may continue to sabotaged or short-circuit your daily life.
Thankyou so much for reading this very personal sharing .. I was hesitate to share it, but my hope is that someone reads this and it awakens a deeper curiosity within.
May we all continue to rise into the Warriors that we are, dismantling the limitations and returning to our True Self.